cminer0308's Xanga

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 22:20:20 GMT

Sorry folks--my blog entries have been nonexistent this month. Life's been pretty crazy, what with the opening of Elliott St. services (which are going very well) and work has been keeping me hopping. Guess that's a good thing, right?

Did any of you see Time a couple weeks ago? The cover article jumped out at me: "Does God Want You To Be Rich?" For those of you who don't know, I grew up hearing that God did indeed want you to be rich and healthy and have all the good stuff this side of heaven could provide. Prosperity Theology is what it's often referred to as; Name It and Claim It or Blab It and Grab It are some less-flattering descriptions. Apparently the message has softened just a bit since I was hearing it--proponents of it like Joel Osteen and Joyce Meyer won't usually go so far as to say God wants you rich, but they will say that God wants you to be happy and have good things in life. The author (who did a fine job on the article) also quoted more mainstream pastors like Rick Warren, who basically think the whole concept is a bunch of bunk.

Here's my major problem with all of this (and I have plenty): Who's at the center of this faith? Is Christ? Well, he's mentioned, and he's the one who makes this stuff possible, but it's not his desires I'm really worried about, unless they are good for me. Other people? Only so much as they have stuff that I think is good. Nope--the center of this faith is me. I want, nay need to be rich! I need to be healthy! I want all the good stuff of this life because I believe that Jesus owes it to me! Prosperity Theology is all about me. And frankly, that's the kind of life I want to leave behind, and that Christ calls us to toss for His sake.

I'm more and more beginning to think that truth and freedom actually lies in the opposite direction of Prosperity. Those who preach this stuff (at least the big names) are often doing so in front of huge, packed crowds, while wearing Armani suits and patent leather shoes. When they're done, they head into their 3000 square foot office with mahogany furniture and oak floors, and then drive their Bentleys back to the 25,000 square foot ranch house they had built on the side of a mountain overlooking a lake. They claim that Christ is their teacher, and that he wants them to have this stuff. Yet Christ, the Son of God, was born in a backwoods barn and was raised in subsistence. When he went into his fulltime ministry, he gave up any semblance of a paying career, and wandered the countryside as a homeless itinerant. He refused the honor (and probable wealth) of a crowd's adoration, choosing instead to tick people off by hanging out with those who had it worse than he did (mind you, this is a broke, homeless wanderer). This is the life we're called to model, and I believe this is the abundant life we're promised--one where we loose everything and gain more.

I could ramble about this for a long time, but you probably don't want to read that. Maybe I'll write more later if you are so inclined. God in Christ calls us to loose ourselves in the service of Him and the people around us. If and when we start doing that, we won't have time for wealth--we'll be too busy really living to want it, anyway.

(Oh, if you want to read the Time article that sparked this, go here: http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1533448-1,00.html )

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 13:07:25 GMT

Going into this long weekend, I wanted to post this deep, meaningful, and ultimately life-changing observation about life on the North Shore. Read on, and be transformed:

I was getting onto 128 from Endicott St. yesterday afternoon. If you know anything about this procedure, it usually involves squealing tires, horribly placed stop signs, and hurriedly writing out your Last Will and Testament on a Dunkin Donuts napkin, because you are SURE the end is nigh. Okay, so it's not quite that bad...Regardless, I was behind two cars; a small white Toyota that had stopped at the end of the onramp so as not to be pulverized by oncoming traffic, and a small gray Honda who's driver was obviously right with the Lord, as he could care less about his bodily health. I can say that with complete assurance, because Gray Honda man decided he wasn't waiting for White Toyota person, hitting the gas and use his massive four-cylinder engine to speed past poor, safety-conscious White Toyota person.

White Toyota person and I were able to get on shortly after Gray Honda Speed Racer blew past us. So I'm hurtling along down 128 and pass White Toyota person...and see Gray Honda Speedy McQuickfast up ahead on the right! He's in the slow lane! Okay, I figure he must be getting off at the next exit. Nope, they go right past it as I pass them. I check to see what Gray Honda I Want To Be Ricky Bobby guy looks like...and notice he's not alone. He's definitely got a Gray Honda Gal Pal sitting in the passenger seat. Checking the rear view mirror, I see Gal Pal gesturing strongly, and probably giving Gray Honda Speed Machine what-for for pretending 128 was actually the track at the Indy 500. (Granted, that's not that much of a stretch, except that the Indy 500 is a bit safer, but I digress).

And so, kids, the moral of this story is to not be Gray Honda Pedal to the Metal man, because all it gets you is the wrath of those in the passenger seat, a trip to the slow lane where you're passed by those you tried to dust in the first place, and the scorn of us online scribes who like to point out such stuff. See? Didn't that just change your life forever? Aren't you inspired to go be a better person now?

Wait...it didn't? Oh...um...sorry about that. I guess, uh, have a great and safe holiday weekend, then. And watch out for Gray Honda Go, Baby, Go man.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 12:36:44 GMT

I just noticed that when you open the men's bathroom door here at work, it makes a sound that eerily sounds like the famous two-note motif from Jaws. You know--du DUH! Feel free to draw any implications you wish from that little tidbit.

Okay, on to this serious blog entry. I was coming out of Stop n' Shop on Friday afternoon. I was hurrying a bit because I hadn't eaten dinner yet, and had the missing component in my hand (parchment paper, if you must know--I was making pizza using a stone and needed it to put between the dough and the stone). As I walked through the parking lot, I saw the back of someone who was putting their groceries in their car. He was obviously an older fellow. All I noticed was that his pants were sagging way too much, exposing more of his backside than I ever wished to see. I also saw some sanitary undergarments (read Depends) poking out of his pants. "Well THAT'S just nasty!" or something similar ran through my head as I walked past him. And then I looked again. (Curiosity, I guess.) On the other side of him was one of those scooter-things stores provide for people who can't walk that much. Next to that was a walker. And it was very obvious he was struggling with his groceries, trying very hard to put the bags into his car while maintaining his balance. I didn't think to go and help him until I was actually in my car, and then, being the jerk that I am sometimes, I just drove away without saying a word to this man, who I now saw as a real person instead of some saggy pants with a bit of butt hanging out.

"...he had compassion on them..." You'll see these words a lot when Jesus encounters people. It really was his thing, to see people as people and love them that way. He never saw drunks or tax collectors or lepers or prostitutes, just friends who made some poor decisions but were still lovable and worthwhile. I didn't see the man in the parking lot as a person needing love or a friend. I saw him as saggy pants, as an intrusion on my landscape. And I confess, this is not the first time that's happened. I think, sadly, this happens with my quite a lot in my little world. I see the loud Hispanics, or the bum, or the addict, or the dangerous teenagers on the corner (not the ones in youth group, of course). God doesn't see those labels, though; he sees his children, and he longs to have them home.

The point of this? I need my heart changed if I want to see like Jesus does. No shock there, right? But here's the deeper question; do I really want to see like Jesus does? Because when you start doing that, then you start loving these folks. And if you love them, then you want to know them...uh oh, now I'm hanging out with loud Hispanics and bums and addicts and dangerous teenagers on the corner! What will people think? These folks are criminals, they have no future, they're the scum of society on the North Shore! I don't want to be with them! Except, that's where Jesus was when he walked the earth, with the criminal, futureless scum, loving them and welcoming them into the Kingdom. And as Jesus was and is God, that means the Almighty choose to spend his limited time on earth with them...which is exactly what we're called to do, isn't it?

I'm discovering that it's a dangerous business being a follower of Christ. To really love people, especially those the world has pretty much thrown aside, is disconcerting to many folks. I doubt I would have gotten in trouble for helping the man in the parking lot with his groceries, of course. But if I began to see all people like Jesus sees them...well, that might just lead me to some very outlandish behavior, might it? I do some pretty nutty stuff for the ones I love now. What if that love were taken hostage by God and increased to everyone I met? I'm pretty sure that would be very dangerous. I can't say for sure because I don't live that way right now. But something deep within me longs to live like that, even though it's dangerous. (Maybe because it's dangerous, who knows?)

What to you think? Have you ever felt anything similar? More importantly, what do we do about this? If it is right to live this way (and I'm operating under the assumption that it is--feel free to debate with me on that, if you want), how do we get from feeling it to being it? I don't have answers or anything, and I don't really expect you to, either. But together maybe we can discern where to go from here. I certainly hope so, anyway...

Monday, August 07, 2006

Mon, 07 Aug 2006 01:07:31 GMT

This book I'm reading is really, REALLY mind-bending. It's one of those books that, though I really like, I really don't like all at the same time. I haven't finished it yet, so I don't really want to comment too much, but suffice it to say it's making me rethink a lot of what I do and why I do it.

That's it for now--get this book and read it if you're up for a challenge. If you want a glimpse as to how the book's concepts are being lived out, check this site out:
www.thesimpleway.org

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 00:29:12 GMT

Greetings from our nation's capitol! (I think that's the correct usage of that word--help me out, Dave.) For the record, this city is HUGE!!! I spent most of the evening walking blocks and blocks trying to find a Metro station (Washington's version of the T), and ended up just walking back to my hotel. The highlight was seeing the National Cathedral, which you should visit if you're here. I'm going to try and make a 5:30 service on Wednesday before I leave, but the place is just amazing.

Oh, where to begin? Last week was a whirl-wind, but in a good way. Playing with kids can be very therapeutic, and it certainly was last week. I had written about feeling purposeless and like I was drifting. This was rectified last week in spades. I was very busy, leading games, running sound, and then playing guitar at campfires. The campfires were the best part, as the kids got a chance to talk about what God had been doing. At first, I wondered why Dan (the speaker) would have testimonies, as these are kids between 8 and 11 or 12, and are, well, kind of immature. Yet God worked in them, and they realized it and responded. I'm not sure how much they got, and I'm sure they don't quite understand everything, but I don't think that matters all that much. These kids just heard the truth and accepted it--just like we're called to do.

This week was a confidence builder, too, as the kids loved me (it's easy to be loved when you get to let them play and don't have to discipline--oh the joy of not being a counselor) and some of the adults actually said I did a really good job. I tended to poo-poo what I was doing...I mean, c'mon, I was playing games...but I was strongly chastised for that attitude on a couple of occasions. I was basically told not to diminish what I did, which was shocking to hear and thought-provoking. I tend to look at the things that I find easy to do as not that big a deal, as their easy. It's not that I think I should have a big head about such things, but to diminish them is probably not right, either.

I dunno...lots to think about, and I don't have time as I need to attend sessions on Blackboard building blocks tomorrow and Wednesday (go to Blackboard.com if you want details). I think I'm going to veg and watch some baseball the rest of the evening. I'll write more soon...

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 21:56:12 GMT

Kelly's flight got delayed by half an hour, so I have half an hour to kill at the church. Hence, this blog, as I haven't done much of a real update for quite some time. (Any extra typos, by the way, are completely due to the weather--it's so humid my fingers are sticking to the keys... )

I visited my friend David in Portland yesterday--he just moved there a few weeks ago, as he and his wife were appointed as pastors of three churches in the area. (Dave has two half-time charges, Kate one full time.) It gave me a chance to think as I drove, which was not a good thing yesterday. As I told Dave, I think my brain went on vacation a few days before I did this week, as I said and did a bunch of just plain stupid stuff yesterday. I was running that stuff around in my head as I drove, which lead to a cycle of vicious thinking, which led me to the conclusion, at least temporarily, that my life peaked between the ages of 18 and 22. When I look at what my friends are doing--having children, moving up into jobs that are more interesting, becoming pastors, etc--it's depressing to think that I'm just kind of treading water. That's the way I feel, anyway. I have no real goals for my life at present, no direction (divine or otherwise) to guide my day-to-day existence. I say I like my job, and I do, and I could see a career at Copyright forming. But is that what I really want? Honestly, I don't know. I've got an almost finished master's degree in history that I have so little interest in finishing it's disgusting. I see no point in it, as I've come to the conclusion that I'm not destined for a career in academia (which was why I started it in the first place). I've got a wonderful wife who is slowly but surely heading into deeper levels of ministry, and I rejoice as she does that, but at the same time I'm envious for her purpose.

There, I said it--PURPOSE. I've been trying to not use that word when describing this situation, as it denotes the entirety of my life being rudderless. I don't believe that to be true, I don't think. But I do sometimes wonder...Purpose also for me implies a spiritual dimension, so to say I have a lack of purpose is to say I have a lack of Godliness, or divine presence, or God-ish something, in the way I live. My fear, I guess, is that if I'm without purpose (by this definition) I become the very thing I proclaim to hate--a self-centered hypocrite, spouting some spiritual stuff every now and again and then turning around and living my life as if I'm IT, the be-all and end-all of my existence. Talk about a horrid way to live!

I don't think I lived that way when I was at ENC, which is why I believe that I peaked between 18 and 22. I didn't have time to think of myself, really--I was too busy doing all this other stuff, even if that included doing Jesus-bus donuts on Grand Theft Auto until 3am. (Really funny--had to be there.) That was the first time I really remember believing that people maybe just liked me. Now, I guess I wonder again...

A big part of this, of course, is that Kelly's been gone all week, and I had an obscene amount of things to do, what with moving and trying to set up the house, etc, and no one offered to help. I didn't ask, of course, so don't feel guilty or anything, but this is the way my mind works. Mostly I just miss my wife and am very tired, I think. Seeing Dave and Kate last night and lifted my spirits, as did talking to Kelly and having her miss me--that means the world to me, actually. But at the same time, there is something amiss underneath this obvious outward stuff. I just don't want to live the standard, mediocre life that many seem entrenched in. I want, and Christ wants me, to be more, to live more, to live abundantly. Sometimes I think I've forgotten how, maybe...

Any thoughts on this depressing, slightly Christian emo rant are welcome. I'll be okay--as I said, Kelly comes home tonight, and then I get to spend most of next week playing games with her and other kids. That'll be fun. As such, I won't be getting email or anything like that, so I'll talk to you guys later.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Wed, 28 Jun 2006 12:23:04 GMT

Too much going on to blog, but here's the quick and dirty update:

-Grampy's funeral was actually kind of good, as was seeing everyone on the Richardson side.
-We move into the Timothy House on Friday, whether it's ready or not. It's not, actually, but we do have hot water and an almost completely functional kitchen (we're missing a part on the fridge door). It's more just really dirty still. If you wanna help clean the place up, let me know.
-Going to the Richardson camp on Saturday AM. Kelly desperately needs to unwind before summer really kicks into gear, so the timing couldn't be better. I'm looking forward to it, too.
-Work's going pretty well--lots going on there, too, but good stuff.
-Looks like four of the Wurth kids are going to camp at Windsor Hills, which is GREAT, but the logistics are kind of overwhelming (they being in New York and all). I'll probably be logging quite a bit of time on the road.
-At the end of next week, Kelly takes off for much of the rest of the summer, which is quite a bummer. So, if anyone's looking for something to do in the next few weeks...

Okay, back to work.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 14:01:32 GMT

Those of you who read Kelly's blog will know about her grandfather. Quite simply, he's not long for this world. Doctors think he has liver cancer (they can't really tell because he has too many other issues to allow definitive testing), and he's not eating or treating it at all. He recently had his pain medication upped, too, which is never a good sign. Be praying for the Richardson family--Grampy was and is beloved and will be sorely missed.

This will be the third grandparent funeral I've been to since I've been married. Kelly's other grandfather died a few years ago, and my grandmother died in February of 2005. With Grampy, it's a bit different, as we know it's coming--Pappy and Grandma Miner both just up and died, though both were old and somewhat ill. I was up in Easton last weekend and got to see Grampy and talk to him, etc. He was obviously very uncomfortable, had lost a ton of weight, and just wanted to go home. He can't, unfortunately, as his wife of 65+ years can't take care of all his needs (he's in a nursing home/rehab center, where he's receiving wonderful care). I'm glad I went, but came away from the experience with a few general thoughts about sickness and death.

1) If I had any illusions about illness being the result of sin, they were trashed this last weekend. This disease had robbed Grampy of who he was. I say I saw Grampy, but what I really saw was a Grampy shell--the fun-loving, easy laughing old man I knew was gone, though the humor came out once in a while. He was quite literally wasting away. Now, God can and does use illness, I firmly believe that. But he uses it in the same way he can redeem any sort of tragedy (divorce, murder, etc) for his glory. "Where sin abounds, grace abounds more abundantly," says Paul. Maybe God can bring about change in people's lives through Grampy's illness, I don't know. But the illness itself, and it's effects...it simply reeks of evil to me, and I'm sure it does to God as well.

2) My mother has a great description of death; she basically says that death is a "tremendous affront". Even for those of us who die in the hope of Jesus, or who watch those we love go Home, death offends our human-ness, if you will. The reason, at least in my mind? We originally weren't meant to die. We were made to be like God: 'Let us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness," says Genesis, and though nothing is specifically said about it, I doubt there was an addendum to that that said, "except that man will die". I could be wrong about this, I suppose. Adam and Eve knew what death was, as God warned them to stay away from the Tree or else they would die, but maybe they learned that from the animals or something. Regardless, there is something inherently wrong about death, I think. Why else would we fight it so much, or have to work so hard to accept death as 'part of life'? Jesus, after all, came to end it's dominion over us, didn't he?

I'm gonna miss Grampy. He's a Christian, so I know he's going Home, and I know I'll see him again someday soon. I know he'll be able to eat again and laugh until he cries again and that he won't be in any more pain or suffering. But I guess I just love the old man and don't want him to go away yet. So pray for Grampy that he'd not be in pain and would have peace about everything. (I struggled in trying to figure out how to pray for him, but that's for another blog.) Pray for Grammy, too--she's one tough cookie, but this has got to be the hardest thing she's ever faced. And for the rest of us, just pray that we will mourn properly and say goodbye well, I guess.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:53:49 GMT

Boy am I overdue for an entry here! It's not like I haven't had anything to write about, either. Not having the Internet where I'm living, and work being busier than before are to two main factors, I guess.

So I've got lots of stuff to choose from to talk about, but I think I'll deal with what happened last Saturday. District Assembly was late last week for the New England District of the Church of the Nazarene. I didn't go to anything during the week, but was told it was fabulous. I did, however, go to the ordination service because Kelly and I had to take some tests afterwards. (I knew two of the ordinates, as well--congrats Cameron and Freddy!!!) Specifically, we had to take some personality tests, in preparation for assessment weekend in September. The district requires this of everyone looking to get a district liscense and their spouses, if applicable. It was, in this case, so in a very hot room at the Wollaston Church of the Nazarene I filled in a bunch of circles and rated statements and all that good stuff.

One test in particular stood out to me. I don't even remember what it was called, but you have four words to choose from, and you had to choose the word that best fit you. There were twenty (I think) under the category Strengths, and the same number under the category Weaknesses. The words are arranged in columns on the page, so when you're done, you add up the number of circles you filled in for each column. The one with the most is supposed to represent your dominate, innate personality. Pretty simple, right? Well, I had three columns that were very close (14, 12, and 12--the other was a 2 or something). The problem is, the 14 and the first 12 are completely opposite personalities! You can't be both--one's an outgoing, talkative, life of the party type, the other is an introverted, quiet wallflower. On the front of the brochure that had the test on it, there are some explanations of results, including this. They call it masking. Basically, the writers of this test say that if you get these kind of results, you're masking your true personality behind a false one. They offer six or so different reasons why this might happen. Guess what two were?
1) You had an alcoholic parent, or a parent that dealt with some kind of addiction.
2) You were abused, either verbally, sexually, or physically.
Guess who grew up with an alcoholic parent and was physically abused?

I talked with Kelly about this briefly, but she doesn't understand why this bothers me. (Honestly, that's a good thing--it means she grew up in a stable and safe home, more or less. And she was understanding when I talked to her, and of course cares, but it's completely out of her realm of experience.) One thing that bugs me about this is that I have to stop minimizing the affect my childhood had on me. I don't like thinking of myself as the result of this kind of stuff, but the fact of the matter is, right now, I am. It sucks. I know I don't have live as the result of it, and that through the grace of God and some hard work I can rise above it and all that. I just wish I didn't have to go through all that to be (for lack of a better word) normal.

The second thing that bothers me about this is that I'm questioning who I am, or what kind of personality I actually have. I've always thought of myself as kind of introverted and bookish, liking nothing more than sitting at home with a few people, that sort of thing. Yet I'm wondering if that's who I am, or if that's who I trained myself to be in order to be seen less by those in my family I considered a threat. My brother made an interesting comment to me this week, saying that I wasn't talkative until I got home from college the first time. But it makes sense! Abuse victims hide--they try to be unseen so they will hopefully be left alone by their abusers. Once I got to school, and realized that I wasn't going to be abused there, I got to open up. Why I got home and started talking like crazy I don't really know...maybe I just felt safe because the abuse had been stopped for a long time? Who knows? Regardless, the big thing for me is this: What if I have to redefine how I view myself, changing my concept of what makes up me? How do I do that? And what does that say about the past 28 years I've been around? Was it a lie, in some sense?

Yeah, so that's what's running through my head at present. Comment away, if you will. And I'm not sure what my next step is, by the way. This is all pretty new territory, so I'm not exactly sure what to do next.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Tue, 16 May 2006 18:55:19 GMT

Then God spoke to Noah and to his sons with him, saying: "And as for Me, behold, I establish My covenant with you and with your descendants after you, and with every living creature that is with you: the birds, the cattle, and every beast of the earth with you, of all that go out of the ark, every beast of the earth. Thus I establish My covenant with you: Never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood; never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth."

And God said: "This is the sign of the covenant which I make between Me and you, and every living creature that is with you, for perpetual generations: I set My rainbow in the cloud, and it shall be for the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. It shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud; and I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh." Genesis 9:8-15

Yeah, posting this is probably very corny, and maybe some of you will think I'm minimizing the effect this last weekend's weather has had on people. I promise you, I'm not, at least not intentionally. I'm posting this because I just saw blue sky and a bit of sunshine for the first time in over a week this past half hour, and I'm grateful. I'm reminded, as the rain finally stops and the flood water recedes, that God loves us, and I hope those who have suffered and will suffer from these floods will remember or learn that, too.

Nothing profound at all here, folks. I'm just happy that I saw the sun for a bit, and that it's not raining right now.